Riding Hood

characters
John, 40-something man
Michelle, 40-something woman
Claire, 17-year-old fox
expiditer, server, and other diners at a restaurant

[scene 1]
[The actions starts when the house opens. As people enter, the very first hints of morning light filter through the skylight in a vaulted ceiling. The room is a woman’s bedroom. John and Michelle are laying in a king-sized bed, sleeping. We can see the outlines of their naked bodies through thin sheets; she is laying on her front, he on his back. John rolls toward her, resting on his side. Michelle stirs. John’s arm finds Michelle’s back, caresses it, moving to her ass, her legs. She sits up, sheets exposing her top half, and straddles John. They fuck, slowly rolling around to various positions, pleasuring themselves as the morning light gradually brightens. At this point, the house is closed and the house lights fade to blackness. Michelle approaches an orgasm. Then their moaning is pierced by a voice from outside the bedroom.]

CLAIRE
MOM!!!

[John is startled. He pulls out, sits up.]

JOHN
Who is that?

CLAIRE
MOM!!! I’m gonna be late for rugby!

JOHN
I didn’t know you had a–

MICHELLE
I’ll be there in a minute!

CLAIRE
I’m gonna be late if we don’t leave right now!

MICHELLE
I need to get dressed, honey. We’re divorced. I mean, her dad and I are–

CLAIRE
Five minutes!

MICHELLE
I didn’t mention it because–

JOHN
It’s okay.

MICHELLE
I was going to tell you this morning.

JOHN
It’s no problem. Just surprised.

MICHELLE
We’ve been divorced for three years.

JOHN
No, it’s not like I haven’t been married before. Just…never got around to having kids.

MICHELLE
It’s…interesting.

[The door opens and Claire bursts into the room. She is wearing a rugby uniform.]
CLAIRE
You know what’s fucking interesting…

MICHELLE
Claire!

CLAIRE
Seeing you roll around with this pig. What’s your name? Abner?

MICHELLE
Claire, get out of here!

CLAIRE
What do you do for a living? Manufacture Nike’s? You look like a banker.

MICHELLE
Claire!

CLAIRE
You in stocks?

JOHN
Futures.

CLAIRE
So you’re the big time. Nice catch, Mom. What’s your name?

JOHN
John Lorenz.

CLAIRE
You ever been to Japan, John Lorenz?

JOHN
Yes.

CLAIRE
What are you doing with this bitch?

MICHELLE
You’re not going anywhere, young lady.

CLAIRE
Don’t your Japanese business fellows take you to the all-you-can-eat Asian pussy bars while you’re over there?

JOHN
There is quite a bit of prostitution in Japan.

CLAIRE
Great. Maybe you can get my mom a new job.

MICHELLE
That is it.

CLAIRE
She’s tired of sleeping with corporate schmucks like yourself to improve her standing in the universe. Wishes the world was fair. Wishes she could be judged on a higher merit than her ability to get you off by squishing her skank mid-lifer cunt around Napoleon’s dick here.

MICHELLE
Claire, you are grounded.

JOHN
Our professional lives don’t intersect.

CLAIRE [at the same time as John’s last line]
Good, mom. I was thinking about not going to rugby today anyway. It seems clear you need some looking after.

[Claire sits down on the bed.]

CLAIRE
Bad, bad girl.

MICHELLE
You’re through with rugby.

CLAIRE
Stupid sport anyway. Just a bunch of girls rolling around in the mud trying to take control of the ball. Nothing you’d be interested in, John Lorenz. Do your Asian hookers play rugby?

MICHELLE
You’re not going to the prom with…whatever his face.

CLAIRE
Did you go to your prom, John? … That’s a shame. You weren’t into the whole stealing-young-girls’-virginity-on-prom-night thing?

[Claire gets up from the bed.]

CLAIRE
My mom didn’t go, either. You two are perfect for each other.

[Claire picks up her mother’s bra.]

CLAIRE
This looks like something grandma would wear.

[Claire picks up John’s underwear.]

CLAIRE
Sexy, John Lorenz. Get some for me, okay mom?

[Claire exits the room, slamming the door. Her mother starts crying.]

JOHN
Are you okay?

[Michelle pulls herself back together.]

MICHELLE
Fine. Fucking wonderful.

————————————————————————

[scene 2]
[John and Michelle are in the kitchen. She is wearing a bathrobe. He is wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt. John is bare-footed. Michelle wears slippers. They are following a recipe; a mixing bowl sits out.]

MICHELLE
If she comes down here I don’t know what I’m going to do.

JOHN
Baking powder?

MICHELLE
Above the sink. What would you do? I know you’ve never had kids but… I don’t want to take her to counseling. I’ve told her she can go by herself if she wants but she doesn’t want to and I’m already going twice a week.

JOHN
Who do you see?

MICHELLE
Dr. Havestein. He runs a practice in Chelsea Tower.

JOHN
I know the place. Baking soda, but no baking powder.

MICHELLE
I might have some downstairs. Stay here, I’ll be right back.

[Michelle goes down some stairs to a lower level. John flips through the newspaper. Claire walks into the dining area and sits at the table with her back to John. She is wearing jeans and a mod T-shirt. He notices her come in, but goes back to reading the paper. Claire flips on a TV. She bends down to scratch the back of her calf through her jeans. On her feet are socks with little pink pigs embroidered on them. She continues watching TV, then bends down to scratch her calf again. She feels around that section of her leg. Something is there. She pushes her chair out and stands up. She unzips her jeans and pushes them down around her ankles. John is looking at Claire; her panties entice. In this position, without moving her legs or bending her knees, she bends down and removes a dryer sheet. She places the dryer sheet on the table, pulls up her pants, zips them, and sits back down to watch TV. As she is sitting back down, Michelle re-enters from the basement.]

MICHELLE
Here we go. Is that everything we need?

JOHN
I think so.

MICHELLE
Do you need any help?

JOHN
Thanks, I’ve got it.

MICHELLE
Claire, would you like to have some waffles when they’re ready?

[As Claire speaks here, she continues watching TV.]

CLAIRE
Sure.

MICHELLE
Great. After breakfast I’m picking some things up from the dry cleaner and John’s going to take me to the airport.

CLAIRE
Where you going this week?

MICHELLE
Philadelphia.

CLAIRE
What’s going on there?

MICHELLE
I’m meeting with some people from CMC. They’re going to show us their respiratory-blocker engineering process.

CLAIRE
Sounds like they’ve been up to no good.

JOHN
What is that, exactly?

MICHELLE
Among other things, CMC makes pesticides. They have a computer simulation of parts of the cellular respiratory process of certain nasty bugs which people like to kill, like roaches. Using this simulation, the computer can engineer plans for a new type of molecule which acts as a respiratory inhibitor for just that species or a few related species of bug. It kills almost instantly and it is completely harmless to all other species. Supposedly. We’ll see. It should be fun; I like Philadelphia, anyway.

JOHN
Waffle number one.

[John forks the waffle onto a plate. Michelle takes the plate to her daughter.]

MICHELLE
Claire, would you like this one?

CLAIRE
Does it have nuts in it?

MICHELLE
No.

CLAIRE
Sure. Thanks.

[Michelle sets the plate down. Claire begins to butter the waffle. Michelle walks back over to John. She hugs and kisses him. They whisper to each other. Claire drowns the waffle in syrup. She takes a bite, then picks up the remote control and switches the TV to the Playboy channel. Sex action on screen. No one notices. She turns up the volume. Michelle and John both look over.]

MICHELLE
Welcome to breakfast at the Collins household.

[Claire makes no reaction.]

MICHELLE
Claire, turn that back to Tom and Jerry, please.

[Claire sits, eating. Michelle goes over and stands by Claire.]

MICHELLE
I’d like to talk with you upstairs.

CLAIRE
Me too, but I’m eating right now.

MICHELLE
Claire! Now.

[Claire cuts another bite, eats it, wipes her mouth, gets up from the table, and heads toward the stairs. Michelle takes the remote, turns the TV back to cartoons, and follows Claire upstairs. At the base of the stairs, she gestures to John that it will just be a minute. Claire and Michelle disappear upstairs. John puts another waffle on. He then turns and looks at the dining table. He walks to it and stares at the television. Then he looks at the table. He picks up the dryer sheet and holds it to his face. He breathes in deeply through his nose.]

————————————————————————

[scene 3]
[Claire is sitting in the living room on the couch. Her body is covered with an afghan. The television is on. She is watching Tom and Jerry. It is night, and the only light inside the house comes from the TV. A key fiddles in the door on the outside. The door opens. John walks in.]

CLAIRE
Who gave you a key? I suppose my mom told you to keep an eye on me while she’s in Philadelphia. Or is she having you feed the dog?

[John closes the door and steps all the way into the house. He looks around the place, steps into the kitchen.]

CLAIRE
We don’t have a dog, dipshit.

JOHN
I’m not looking for a dog.

CLAIRE
What are you looking for?

[He stands behind the couch, looking at her. She flips the TV to the Playboy channel. He comes around to the front of the couch. She stands up, keeping the afghan about her body. We can see no additional clothing.]

CLAIRE
Do you like Tom and Jerry?

[His hand reaches out to touch her breasts over the cloth. She takes his hand and puts it on her skin directly.]

CLAIRE
Are you waiting for me to stop you, John Lorenz? Is that what you thought I’d do? Scream for help? Yell stop? Tell you no? Is that what you wanted? Is that what you expected? Did you want to fuck everything up? Did you want me to complain to mommy when she gets back that you came over and touched her daughter in a bad place? Did you want her to dump you? Did you want her to call the police?

JOHN
No.

CLAIRE
I think you did.

JOHN
Why do you think that?

[She sits him on the couch. Unbuttons his shirt, takes off his belt. Undoes his pants and pulls them down. Claire fucks John, straddling him, her breasts and hair in his face. He cums. She gets off of him, sits beside him. There is silence and staring into space.]

CLAIRE
What’s your favorite movie, John Lorenz?

JOHN
Heat…with Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro.

CLAIRE
What’s your favorite scene?

JOHN
The bank robbery.

CLAIRE
Of course. Do you like the ending?

JOHN
Yeah.

CLAIRE
I figured you did. I hate that ending. I never watch the ending.

JOHN
Why don’t you like it?

CLAIRE
The same reason you do like it. The bad guys get caught. Movies are better if the bank robbers get thwarted while the robbery is in progress. Better because then people get shot and you have a car chase and a lot of noise and some explosions. But the ending you want in real life is the perfect crime with no plot twists, no fuck-ups, no trace at all of the dramatic. The good ending in real life is quiet, and nobody notices, and nobody gets famous or dead. In real life you rob the bank, get away alive with all the money, you move to a third world country and live on your yacht having sex with AIDS-tested supermodels, and that’s a good ending.

[Claire hands John Lorenz his shirt, and he gets dressed. She pays no attention to him; she stares at the television. He stands up, completely dresses, and waits as if something else could happen. After letting him stand there, Claire gets up and leads him to the door.]

CLAIRE
Go home, John Lorenz, go home. You win the prize. You didn’t get caught. You’re the winner, a real story-book ending. Next week my mom will come home and she’ll be so happy to see you. She’ll ask if I behaved, and you’ll say yes. She’ll tell you she missed you and you’ll tell her you missed her, too. When she’s sucking your dick you’ll think about tonight, about the time you had with me. You’ll wish it was me on top of you. You’ll wish you had a little tighter pussy to fuck. Then some Saturday the three of us will be sitting in there eating waffles. You’ll make smalltalk with me, trying not to be too familiar. You’ll side with my mom against me, not because you like her more but because you don’t want her to know about us. And I’ll sit here, watching Tom and Jerry, eating waffles, staring at the TV, not paying any attention to either of you. You’ll want to talk about it, you’ll wish that I would let you fuck me again sometime. But I won’t talk about it. And I won’t let you fuck me again. So go home, John Lorenz. Go home to that stack of pornos you have hidden under the sink in your bathroom. You got everything you wanted. Can you live with that?

[Claire turns from him and sits back down on the couch. She flips it back to Tom and Jerry. John goes to the door, opens it slowly, steps out, looks back at her for a while, then turns and shuts the door. With the door shut the house is dark, but the music continues for a moment before fading away.]

————————————————————————

[scene 4]
[John and Michelle are sitting in a nice restaurant. They are dressed up. They are laughing. Michelle smokes a cigarette.]

EXPIDITER
Can I get you two something to drink?

MICHELLE
New Orleans.

JOHN
The same.

EXPIDITER
Excellent. Your server will be with you shortly.

MICHELLE
You know, I didn’t think the special effects were all that great.

JOHN
You have to be joking.

MICHELLE
No. I don’t see what the big deal was. Just a bunch of anti-gravity people doing mediocre martial arts with those computer-generated bullshit werewolves. Stupid, stupid movie.

JOHN
I sort-of liked it.

MICHELLE
I sort-of liked it, too. There was nothing special about the effects, however. They were stolen from some nineteen-sixty-nine sci-fi film about ants that take over the earth.

JOHN
I think I saw that one.

MICHELLE
No way.

JOHN
Yeah, where some desert hillbillies and half the U.S. Reserve go ballistic with flame-throwers, chasing giant ants across the desert, torching them with napalm…

MICHELLE
Wow. I thought I was the only person who saw that movie. I’m always telling people about it, but no one’s ever heard of it.

JOHN
I would think your people at CMC would love that one, with all their respiration-blocking insect killers.

MICHELLE
Those people were freaky. Jamie, this business analyst on my team, asked them if they had thought about biological warfare. And their team leader says, yes, we’re well aware of the implications for biological warfare. No big deal. Who knows what else those people are cooking up over there. Or who they’re selling it to.

JOHN
That’s a scary thought.

[The server comes to their table carrying their drinks.]

SERVER
Hi, my name is Mike, and I’ll be your server. How you folks doing this evening?

JOHN
Fine, just fine.

SERVER
I’m glad to hear that. Tonight our special is the roasted swordfish, straight from the coast of Norway, served with your choice of salad. We typically recommend a Chardonnay with that, but I see you two have already chosen to drink something a little more…shall we say…hard core. Do you need a moment to look over the menu or do you know what you’d like?

MICHELLE
Ready?

JOHN
Yeah.

MICHELLE
You go first.

JOHN
I’d like a chicken sandwich. Grilled.

SERVER
Soup or salad?

JOHN
No, thanks.

SERVER
You, ma’am?

MICHELLE
Cheeseburger. Burnt.

SERVER
Soup or salad?

MICHELLE
No.

SERVER
Okay. We’ll have that right out for you. If you need anything, just yell.

[John takes a big sip of his drink.]

MICHELLE
Do you know what’s in those?

JOHN
The only thing I know about these is they taste real good and they get you drunk real fast.

MICHELLE
Is that what we want?

JOHN
Yeah, I guess so. Drink up.

[She drinks up.]

JOHN
Holy shit. You’re gonna die.

MICHELLE
Drink up, big boy, drink up.

[He drinks up.]

JOHN
Don’t feel a thing.

MICHELLE
Wait two minutes. Wanna dance?

JOHN
We better get started while it’s still possible.

[They get up and dance.]

MICHELLE
You feelin’ that drink at all?

JOHN
Not yet. Are you?

MICHELLE
A little. But I don’t think it’s really hitting me, I think I’m just imagining it. Are you coming home with me tonight?

JOHN
We could go to my place.

MICHELLE
I don’t want Claire to be there by herself.

MICHELLE
You know what we need to do? We need to take a weekend away.

JOHN
What about Claire?

MICHELLE
She can stay with a friend. Wouldn’t that be nice? Just the two of us… Where do you want to go? Somewhere far away? Someplace exotic? You just want to check into the Hyatt in town?

JOHN
I have a place on the beach in New Jersey.

MICHELLE
Oooh. That could be nice. Sound of the waves.

JOHN
Have you ever had sex on the beach?

MICHELLE
No. Take me there.

JOHN
It’s set then. You pick the weekend.

MICHELLE
This one. I’m not travelling. Sex on the beach. Mike!

SERVER
Yes, ma’am.

MICHELLE
More drinks, please, dear.

SERVER
Of course.

JOHN
Now are you feeling that drink? Or is it still just your imagination?

MICHELLE
Really feeling. Imagining you without any clothes on. Imagining…sacking you in the surf. Waves and our bodies and fresh seafood. You have to be a seafood fan.

JOHN
Only when I’m by the sea.

MICHELLE
Me too. Me too. Let’s do something really naughty tonight. Don’t you ever want to do something really naughty?

JOHN
Like what?

MICHELLE
Let’s get some edible panties. Or a glow-in-the-dark condom or some lingere.

JOHN
Okay.

MICHELLE
It’ll be fun. There’s a store up the street like that. I’ve never gone in there…do you want to?

JOHN
Sure.

SERVER
Drinks. Enjoy.

[John and Michelle sit down and take sips.]

JOHN
We need to lock the bedroom door this time.

MICHELLE
I’m sorry about that. She can be a little…unrestrained.

JOHN
Has she done that with… I mean, has she walked in on you with anyone else? I–I’m inquiring about her activity, not yours.

MICHELLE
It’s okay. No she hasn’t. Stood outside the door and tried to hold a conversation, yes. But she’s never walked in like that before.

JOHN
Is she a good student?

MICHELLE
Straight A’s.

JOHN
Does she cause trouble in school?

MICHELLE
Not on the surface. If she does anything she’s gotten away with it this far. She gets it out at Rugby, I think. For the most part, they love her down there. Except that she’s not Catholic.

JOHN
Catholic school?

MICHELLE
St. Mary’s.

JOHN
And they like her there?

MICHELLE
Except that she’s not Catholic, yes. She gets good grades, plays a sport. Doesn’t sell drugs in the lunchroom like some of the students. Hasn’t been caught manufacturing fake IDs. Like some of the students.

JOHN
I read about that.

MICHELLE
Divorce is hard on kids. I’m sorry to her for that. But I do my best. She gets what she needs. And for the most part, I think she’s doing alright. It’s hard to be that age. Very uncertain. You’re uncomfortable with yourself. Unsure. People in that situation do weird things sometimes.

JOHN
Yeah.

MICHELLE
My counselor thinks she might benefit from therapy. But if she doesn’t want to go…what good will it do?

JOHN
You know what?

MICHELLE
What, handsome?

JOHN
I am so fucking drunk. I just want to take my clothes off right here and lay you down on this table.

MICHELLE
We will we will…just let’s get the edible panties first.

[The server brings their food out.]

MICHELLE
We’ll get the edible panties, we’ll get some glow-in-the-dark condoms, I’ll buy some lingere, we’ll remember to lock the door this time, and then you can lay me down on this table right here and screw the poop out of me.

SERVER
Ma’am. Sir.

[Michelle realizes that the server has been standing there. She looks at him and busts out laughing. Then she looks at her plate. She picks the cheeseburger up off the plate, surveys it, and plop-drops it right back down on the plate. She stares amazed. In a voice loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear, she says]

MICHELLE
Jesus Christ. This is the biggest fucking cheeseburger I have ever seen!

————————————————————————

[scene 5]
[Michelle’s living room. Empty. Early evening. The door opens and in walks John, carrying a weekend getaway bag and roses. He walks into the kitchen. No one is there. He sets the roses on the counter. He walks back into the living room. Claire comes downstairs in her school uniform.]

JOHN
Is Michelle here?

CLAIRE
Not even a thought to me. Michelle isn’t here yet. Excited about your little weekend getaway?

JOHN
Yes.

CLAIRE
Doing anything social or are you just going to bang my mom all weekend.

JOHN
Probably just going to bang your mom all weekend.

CLAIRE
Shhh…she’s upstairs. Just kidding, she’s still at work. She called to say she’ll be home in a while. If John gets here, make him comfortable. Try to be nice. I’m trying. See, I’ve got my Catholic schoolgirl outfit on just for you. I can sit right here, with my legs crossed, revealing nothing, and you can wish you were inside these leggings, wish you were up this skirt. How’s the futures business?

JOHN
Corn is up. Sugar’s down.

CLAIRE
You don’t sound too happy about that. Why don’t you come upstairs? I’ll cheer you up.

JOHN
I think I’ll wait here.

CLAIRE
I’m going to strip my clothes off for you now. Then I’m going to let you fuck me, just a quick one.

JOHN
No.

CLAIRE
You have a choice to make. Would you like to do it here or do you want me to show you my bedroom?

JOHN
Neither.

CLAIRE
Why are you so sour today? Is it the corn? Or the sugar? Buy or sell, John Lorenz? I think you’ll like my bedroom. Believe it or not, it’s all pink. Very virginal. You can smell my perfume, you know? I’ll let you go through my panty drawer and you can pick out a souvenir for this weekend. Something to keep you company while you’re with my mom.

JOHN
I’m not going to do anything with you.

CLAIRE
Then your choice becomes : would you like for me to strip for you here or in my bedroom?

[Claire starts to strip.]

CLAIRE
It would have been better for you to choose my bedroom because if my mom walks in right now, and I’m stripping for you here, then she’ll see it, and that might put an interesting spin on your weekend.

JOHN
Stop.

[Claire continues to strip, leaving the removed articles all around the room. John picks up the items and tries to return them to her, this causes him to be following her.]

CLAIRE
Schoolgirl shoes with buckles.

JOHN
Stop.

CLAIRE
Schoolgirl leggings. Virgin white. Note the scent.

JOHN
Claire.

CLAIRE
You’re missing the scent. That’s part of the whole deal. Smell those right now.

JOHN
I’m not going to smell–

CLAIRE
Schoolgirl sweater. Very preppy.

JOHN
Put this back on.

[Claire has arrived at the stairs, is a few steps up already. She is facing John, below. She lets her hair out.]

CLAIRE
Schoolgirl hairpins.

JOHN
Claire, stop.

CLAIRE
Plaid schoolgirl skirt. The quintessential schoolgirl item. Mother’s not going to want to find that laying around, because that means that her little schoolgirl is left wearing only her schoolgirl panties, her schoolgirl Oxford shirt, and underneath, her schoolgirl bra. Let’s do the shirt next.

[She unbuttons her shirt. John protests at each button.]

JOHN
Claire. Stop. Claire. [etc., as she unbuttons]

[She has finished. She throws the shirt at him.]
JOHN
Jesus.

CLAIRE
Come upstairs.

[Claire continues upstairs, John follows. When the top half of Claire’s body is out of sight, she throws her bra to the bottom of the stairs. John goes down to retrieve it. He goes back up.]

CLAIRE
Now. Am I going to have to make you go get my panties from down there, or are you going to take them off of me?

[We hear Claire squeal with delight.]

CLAIRE
That’s what I like.

[We hear her voice upstairs, without seeing them.]

CLAIRE
Do you like it? I told you it was all pink. Do you want to fuck me, or do you just wanna mess around?

[We hear the bed squeak.]

CLAIRE
I though you wanted to fuck me. Isn’t this nice. Ohhh…do me. I wanna feel you inside of me. Oh my god! Yes! This will make you forget about the sugar and the corn, won’t it, John Lorenz? Oh! Oh! Yes! Talk dirty to me. I like it.

JOHN
I’ve been wanting you all week, Claire. I’ve been wanting to fuck your pink little pussy. I was hoping you’d show me your room. I’m glad you did.

CLAIRE
Talk to me more.

JOHN
I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve been wanting to fuck you ever since last time. Do you like feeling my dick inside of you? Do you?

CLAIRE
Yes…

JOHN
Good, cause I like having it inside of you. I like fucking you, Claire. I like fucking you. I wanna fuck you until you–

CLAIRE
Yes! Yes! Ohhh!

[Downstairs, the door opens, and Michelle enters.]

MICHELLE
John?

[There is a big thunk from upstairs. Michelle goes to the stairs.]

MICHELLE
What’s going on up there?

CLAIRE
Nothing, mom. I just dropped my suitcase.

MICHELLE
It sounded like you dropped a cinderblock. What do you have in there? Why do you need a suitcase just to go to Marianne’s house for a weekend?

CLAIRE
My bookbag’s too small.

[Michelle goes into the kitchen, sees the roses. She looks for John in the living room.]

MICHELLE
Were is John?

CLAIRE
Don’t know, mom. Haven’t seen him.

MICHELLE
His car’s out front. His bag is right here. John? Is he in the bathroom? John?

[Claire walks downstairs, wrapped in two towels. She surveys John’s bag.]

CLAIRE
You’re right, his bag is right here.

[Michelle comes back from checking the bathroom.]

MICHELLE
You haven’t seen him?

CLAIRE
Well, clearly he’s been here, but I didn’t hear him come in. I’ve been in the shower, though.

MICHELLE
Maybe he’s in my room.

[Michelle goes upstairs.]

MICHELLE
John?

[Michelle comes back downstairs.]

MICHELLE
You haven’t seen him?

CLAIRE
Not today.

CLAIRE
I’m going to finish packing.

MICHELLE
Okay. I’ll take you over there when you’re ready.

[Michelle goes into the kitchen and picks up the phone. It is a cordless. She dials a number.]

MICHELLE
Yes. Is Jonathan Lorenz there? … Do you know when he left? … Okay. … No, I’ll try him elsewhere.

[She hangs up, dials a number. Waits.]

MICHELLE
Hey, it’s me. Where are you? Your stuff is here and I’m guessing you probably just…went out to get…something for the weekend…or…well, thanks for the roses, they’re lovely, and…I don’t know…just…call me.

[She hangs up and stares at the roses. She picks up the phone and dials another number. A phone rings in the living room. She goes into the living room with her phone and sees that his cell phone is laying on top of his weekend bag. She picks it up, presses talk, and, with one phone to each ear, says]

MICHELLE
Hello? Fuck!

[Michelle hangs up his phone, then hers, then slumps down on the couch. She looks at her watch, then flips on the TV. It is tuned to the Playboy channel. She flips the TV off.]

MICHELLE
Claire, what is your obsession with…!?

CLAIRE
Say that again. I couldn’t hear you.

MICHELLE
Forget it.

[Michelle sinks back on the couch stares into space. A lighting transition skips us an hour into the future. Claire is sitting on a chair in the living room. Michelle is still on the couch. We see them sitting in silence for a moment before Claire speaks.]

CLAIRE
So is this dick gonna show, or what?

MICHELLE
Claire.

CLAIRE
Just asking. Maybe he forgot.

MICHELLE
You’re not going to Marianne’s.

[Claire stands up.]

CLAIRE
Fine.

[Claire goes upstairs. A lighting transition skips us ahead some more. Michelle is still sitting on the couch. She looks at her watch. Dials a phone number.]

MICHELLE
Non-emergency. … Yes, can I speak to someone about a missing person? … Sure.

[Michelle hangs up the phone.]

MICHELLE
Shit.

[A lighting transition skips us ahead some more. Michelle is still sitting on the couch. Claire comes downstairs. She steps over to her mom, puts a hand on her.]

CLAIRE
Still a no-show?

[Michelle looks at Claire.]

CLAIRE
Sorry, mom.

[Claire goes into the kitchen and comes out with a bottle of Karo syrup. She goes upstairs.]

————————————————————————

[scene 6]
[Claire’s bedroom. John is sitting on her bed fully clothed. He picks up a teddy bear and throws it. Claire walks in with a bottle of Karo syrup. She hands the bottle to John, then goes and picks up the teddy bear, putting it back in its original position.]

CLAIRE
Are you hungry?

JOHN
Is she asleep yet?

CLAIRE
No she’s not. I’ll tell you when she goes to sleep. Until then, you can just assume that she’s still awake. Okay?

JOHN
This is totally fucked up.

CLAIRE
Beats your typical weekend getaway, though.

JOHN
For you, maybe.

CLAIRE
That’s what I meant. For me. I’m gonna get undressed. Why don’t you open that bottle of syrup.

JOHN
Why?

CLAIRE
Why? Because you’re gonna lick it off me.

JOHN
I don’t think so.

CLAIRE
You don’t?

[Claire opens her bedroom door.]

CLAIRE
Then I don’t think I’m gonna keep hiding you here in my room. Mom!!!

MICHELLE
What?

JOHN
No, no. Okay. Close the door.

MICHELLE
What is it, Claire?

CLAIRE
Nothing, I couldn’t find my remote there for a second. I found it.

MICHELLE
Go to sleep, honey. It’s two in the morning.

CLAIRE
I will soon.

[Claire closes the door.]

CLAIRE
Now open that bottle. I’m going to make myself more comfortable. Feel free to do the same.

JOHN
No thanks.

CLAIRE
If you’re good I’ll let you fuck me after.

JOHN
Joy.

CLAIRE
You know you want to. You know what the difference is between you and me, John Lorenz?

[John shrugs and looks up at her.]

CLAIRE
I’ll tell you. The difference between you and me is that if I was in your situation right now, I’d enjoy it. Everything in life has at least two sides. You might as well at least enjoy the one that favors you at the moment. You’re held captive in the bedroom of a teenage girl who you want to fuck. A teenage girl who lets you fuck her. Who strips for you. Who sucks your dick. And…she happens to be the daughter of your girlfriend. And…the fact that you followed me upstairs to fuck me has gotten you into a pickle, and caused your girlfriend to be momentarily upset with you. So what? She’ll fall asleep in a little while, and if I’m feeling good about you when that happens, I’ll let you go. You can make up a story about why you were called away suddenly, and life will go on. In the mean time, take off your pants. Pour some Karo syrup on my pussy and eat me out. I’ll play with my nipples while you do it. Then your dick will get hard, and we can fuck like little bunnies of the field. I’ll let you take me from behind. I’ll put on my uniform and you can rip it off of me. We can take a shower together. My door locks, see?

[She locks her door. She straddles him from behind on the bed. She undoes his belt.]

CLAIRE
I don’t care. I want to play with you, too. And as long as everyone is sufficiently quiet about it, no one will ever know. Good?

[Claire has settled herself on the bed in front of him. She is ready for him to eat her. The bottle is open, and he is about to pour it on her.]

CLAIRE
Pour it on nice and thick, John Lorenz.

————————————————————————

[scene 7]
[Michelle’s bedroom in complete darkness. The door opens, there stands John’s silhouette against light in the hallway. Michelle, who is laying in bed, flips on a lamp.]

MICHELLE
What happened to you?

JOHN
Something came up at work.

MICHELLE
Came up after you go here?

JOHN
Murray called me on my cell phone and picked me up in his car, in front of your house. Right after I got here.

MICHELLE
What was it? What was it that you couldn’t call me? Why didn’t you call me?

JOHN
It was disorganized. We were meeting with a group of guys. We were making a deal, and we were in a meeting. I couldn’t leave.

MICHELLE
Murray doesn’t have a cell phone?

JOHN
He didn’t have it with him. I tried to call you. I wanted to call you.

MICHELLE
What kind of deal comes up instantly on Friday afternoon?

JOHN
It’s complicated. I can tell you the details tomorrow.

MICHELLE
Tell me now. I’d like to know.

JOHN
Look, I’m sorry I worried you. A lot was at stake. And I should’ve called you, but I couldn’t.

MICHELLE
I was really worried about you. I stayed up, downstairs. I called your cell phone but you left it here. I called you place. I called the police–I wondered what might have happened. Don’t do that to me. Don’t…do that to me. Okay?

JOHN
I’m sorry I worried you. And I’m sorry about our weekend.

MICHELLE
I really needed this weekend. I really needed to get away.

JOHN
I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. We’ll go the next weekend you’re free.

MICHELLE
I wanted to go this weekend.

JOHN
I’m sorry. Don’t cry. Do you want some water?

MICHELLE
No.

JOHN
Are you sure?

MICHELLE
Would you get me some milk?

JOHN
Yes. I’ll be right back.

[John exits the room.]

————————————————————————

[scene 8]
[John turns on the kitchen light. Claire is sitting on the breakfast table in her nightgown.]

JOHN
Jesus. You startled me.

CLAIRE
Put your dick inside of me.

JOHN
Not now.

CLAIRE
Just for a second. I’m already wet. Come here.

JOHN
We’ve got to stop this, Claire.

CLAIRE
I don’t want to stop. Come here.

[She feels him up and unzips his pants.]

JOHN
Please, stop.

CLAIRE
I want to feel your dick inside of me. Right here on this table. Right now, just for a second, before you go back upstairs to her. Give it to me. There, like that. Yeah…

JOHN
She’s waiting for me.

CLAIRE
Just a little bit more. There we go.

JOHN
She’s gonna wonder what took me so long. I just came down to get a glass of milk.

CLAIRE
Ooh. Ooh.

JOHN
I’ve got to go.

CLAIRE
In a minute. Ahh. Let me ask you a question, John Lorenz.

JOHN
What is that?

CLAIRE
Have you ever toed a girl?

JOHN
I don’t think so. I suppose that would be sticking your toe up–

CLAIRE
Yes. You know what I think I’d like?

JOHN
To toe a girl?

CLAIRE
To be toed. By you. Tomorrow morning at breakfast.

JOHN
Claire…

CLAIRE
I’ll sit across from you and I won’t wear any panties. You can stick your toe up the leg of my shorts. You’ll need to be barefoot obviously. Wait ’till my mom sits down beside you so she can’t see.

JOHN
I’m not gonna do that.

CLAIRE
Yes you are.

JOHN
Do you want us to get caught?

CLAIRE
No, remember what I told you before? You’re the one who wants us to get caught. I want us to get away with it. And we will. We will, don’t worry.

JOHN
It’s too risky. I’ll toe you in your bedroom. I’ll toe you when your mom is out of town. I’m not gonna toe you at the breakfast table.

[Claire puts a finger on his nose.]

CLAIRE
Yes, you are.

[Claire pushes him away. He fills a glass with milk.]

CLAIRE
After she falls asleep, I want you to come down here to me and finish this off. Then you can go back up to her. Understand?

JOHN
Yeah, okay.

CLAIRE
If you don’t meet me down here I’ll go into that bedroom and fuck you while she sleeps. And from what I know about you, John Lorenz, I think that might be just a little too close for comfort. True?

JOHN
True.

[John goes back into the bedroom. Michelle is asleep. John sets the milk down on the nightstand and tucks Michelle’s covers in around her. He turns off the lamp. John opens the bedroom door, silhouetted by the hall light, and goes back into the hallway.]

————————————————————————

[scene 9]
[It is morning in the kitchen/breakfast room at Michelle’s house. Claire is sitting at the table watching Tom and Jerry. Michelle and John are following a recipe.]

MICHELLE
Claire, honey, are you going to be hungry for waffles?

CLAIRE
I sure am.

MICHELLE
Good, cause we’re making…how many do we have batter here for?

JOHN
Ten to twelve.

MICHELLE
So that’s…three per person? I think I can only eat two. Claire, how many are you planning on eating?

CLAIRE
I suppose I could eat three. I’ll need my strength for this afternoon’s bone crushing.

MICHELLE
Rugby game.

CLAIRE
Those St. Agnes pussies are about to meet up with The Inquisition.

MICHELLE
Claire.

CLAIRE
Sorry, Mom, but this planet-of-the-apes bitch on their team gave Janet a concussion last time we played them. St. Agnes is fucking going down.

MICHELLE
It surprises me that a Catholic school even has a rugby team. Even if all the players don’t take it as seriously as Claire.

CLAIRE
John, can I have nuts in my waffle today?

JOHN
Do we have any nuts?

MICHELLE
I have some walnuts. They aren’t chopped.

JOHN
If someone will chop them I’ll add it to the mix.

CLAIRE
I will chop them.

[Michelle gets Claire a cutting board, a knife, and a pile of walnuts. In the process, John has to move out of her way. Michelle pays him with a lip kiss. Claire chops the nuts.]

CLAIRE
You two seem like you’re doing well.

MICHELLE
What do you mean by that?

CLAIRE
It’s none of my business, of course, but it just seems to me that things are going very well between the two of you. Is that true?

MICHELLE
Well, yes, honey.

CLAIRE
John?

JOHN
I deeply value the time I spend with your mother.

CLAIRE
I’m glad you two have each other. I mean, I know the three of us have had some rough times, mostly because of me, but I feel like we’re through that, you know?

MICHELLE
Well, things can be difficult some times.

CLAIRE
Sure they can, sure they can. But you know what they say. If life gives you lemons, hold out for strawberries. If life gives you strawberries, hold out for cake. And if life gives you cake, don’t share it with anyone.

[No one says anything to this.]

JOHN
Waffle number one.

MICHELLE
Claire? You want this?

CLAIRE
Let’s all eat together today. We can store these in the oven until several are ready. Ice-breaker question for the day : Mom, what’s your favorite movie?

MICHELLE
There’s this old movie about giant ants that take over the earth that I really like. But I guess…my favorite modern movie…is…Sleepless in Seattle.

CLAIRE
Boo.

MICHELLE
I know. Typical chick flick.

CLAIRE
Beyond typical chick flick. They meet in the last scene. You have to wait for the sequel before the main characters have their first bit of dialog. What do you like, John?

JOHN
I guess, if I had to pick, all time my favorite movie, the movie I like to re-watch most, is Heat with Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro.

CLAIRE
Really? You like all that bank robber stuff?

JOHN
I like the action. I’m an action movie kind-of-guy. Car chases, explosions, you know. Special effects.

CLAIRE
I’m not much for special effects. I like movies where all the action takes place in one room. Where you’re face-to-face with the characters themselves. People these days put too much on the scenery, the goddamn effects. It’s all about the people inside the film. What they want.

MICHELLE
So what’s your favorite movie?

CLAIRE
It would have to be something like…The Breakfast Club. There’s a movie with movement but hardly any action. No effects, almost no music. Interpersonal dynamics. The characters. That’s drama. That’s a movie.

MICHELLE
I tried to watch that one time but I fell asleep. Not because it was boring. I was just tired. Now that I work I can’t watch movies at home anymore. I always fall asleep.

JOHN
Most of the movies I see are on planes.

CLAIRE
Icebreaker trivia question number two.

MICHELLE
Do we need an icebreaker?

CLAIRE
Expression. Did you hear what happened yesterday?

JOHN
Domestic, or international?

CLAIRE
Very domestic. No? About the woman at Clover Leaf mall?

JOHN
Don’t know.

CLAIRE
You didn’t hear about that?

MICHELLE
I’m sure I don’t want to hear this.

CLAIRE
Probably not. But you need to hear it for your own safety. There’s this woman who has been shopping and when she goes out to her car to go home she sees that she has a flat tire. She looks around and sees a guy walking by. She asks this guy for help, and he agrees to help her change her tire. She opens the trunk of her car so that he can get the spare. He gets the spare out, jacks up her car, and changes the tire. He puts the flat tire in the trunk. They close the trunk. The lady thanks him and figures he’ll just be on his way. But he says, lady, I’m parked all the way over on the other side of the parking lot. Would you mind giving me a lift to my car? It’s not that far if we drive but it’s a long way to walk, and I’m tired from helping you change your tire, etcetera. The lady thinks he seems like a nice enough man but on principle doesn’t want to let him into her car. She explains this to him and he gets upset. After all, this is probably just a regular guy and he has just helped her change her tire. All he wants is a short ride to his car. He probably means her no harm. But she refuses to give him a ride and he gets really mad and leaves. The woman thinks it’s probably nothing, but she decides to go back inside and tell the police. A mall officer listens to her story and walks her back to her car. The man is nowhere to be seen, but they open in the trunk, and discover that he left his briefcase inside. They open it. Inside is a butcher knife and a length of rope.

MICHELLE
Oh! That’s horrible.

CLAIRE
No kidding.

MICHELLE
Did you make that up?

CLAIRE
Swear to god, I saw it on the six-o-clock news.

JOHN
I mean no disrespect to the gravity of that story, but our waffles are ready.

MICHELLE
Thanks for making them, John.

CLAIRE
Yeah, John, thanks.

JOHN
So, what does the week hold for you?

MICHELLE
More meetings. I think somebody high up decided that this week is going to be a meeting intensive. I’m in meetings all day for four days solid. And I’ve got some on Friday.

JOHN
Crazy.

MICHELLE
Yeah. It’s really nuts. It almost it like somebody planned it this way. What about you? Anything exciting going on?

JOHN
I’ll be in Japan mid-week. Just a hobnob visit. Back on Thursday.

[Claire scoots her chair in closer to the table.]

CLAIRE
There we go.

JOHN
Jesus!

MICHELLE
Are you alright?

JOHN
Got a nut…stuck in my tooth. Hurts kinda bad.

[Claire holds her fork up to John.]

CLAIRE
These are good.

JOHN
Same as every week.

CLAIRE
But this week, John, they’re especially good.

MICHELLE
Maybe it’s the nuts.

CLAIRE
It could be the nuts. Oh, my god. I don’t know what it is, but John, this waffle has a quality…that is just…

[Claire is squirming in her chair.]

CLAIRE
Oh! Fucking awesome.

MICHELLE
Claire?

CLAIRE
Mom, can you pass me the syrup?

MICHELLE
Breakfast conversation?

CLAIRE
Sorry but these are great. I couldn’t help it. I mean god damn. Sorry mom. This is fucking the best waffle I’ve ever had.

JOHN
Glad you like them.

MICHELLE
That is awful, about that woman at the mall. But at least she didn’t get hurt.

CLAIRE
Yeah.

MICHELLE
Did they ever find the guy?

CLAIRE
They’re not looking for him.

MICHELLE
Why not?

CLAIRE
He didn’t do anything. It’s not a crime to help somebody change a tire. Or to leave your briefcase filled with Dr. Death tools inside the trunk of somebody’s car.

MICHELLE
But surely he had intentions of doing the woman harm.

CLAIRE
Probably. But bad intentions aren’t a crime. It’s not a crime to want to kill someone. You have to actually do it. They couldn’t even get this guy on attempted murder.

JOHN
Just changing a tire.

CLAIRE
Yeah. He never got the chance to attempt, thank god.

MICHELLE
Thank god that woman had her wits about her.

CLAIRE
You can’t trust anybody these days.

[Claire takes a big bite.]

CLAIRE
Mmm. John, I want you to know that I am finding this waffle to be extraordinary. This waffle is like…what is this waffle like? The texture evokes…I’m having deja-vu here, I’m having…what is it called…an epiphany…no…a revolution…surging…crescendo…ummmmmm…!

[Claire is squirming in enjoyment. She suddenly pushes her chair out, stands up.]

CLAIRE
I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore. I’ll be in my room.

[Claire exits.]

MICHELLE
What was that all about?

JOHN
No idea.

————————————————————————

[scene 10]
[Claire sits in her room watching Tom and Jerry. The door opens, and John bursts in.]

JOHN
What was that?

CLAIRE
That was fun. You did good. You can be my toe man anytime.

JOHN
What was all the mmm-ing and oh-ing and the fucking awesome waffles? What are you trying to do? She knows something’s up.

CLAIRE
No she doesn’t.

JOHN
How could she not, after that?!

CLAIRE
Relax, John Lorenz, you’re overreacting.

[John grabs her by the shoulders and throws her back on the bed.]

JOHN
You and me are done! You understand? That’s the end. I’m not playing along anymore.

[Claire laughs.]

CLAIRE
Playing along? Is that what you think you’re doing? You’re not playing along. You’re doing what you have to do keep up. You’re trying to hold it together. Trying not to let it come out.

JOHN
From now on, there’s not going to be anything to come out. Understand? No more quickies, no more toeing, no more Karo syrup. Okay?

CLAIRE
What if that’s not okay? What if I decide I want more Karo syrup, John Lorenz?

JOHN
Get it from somebody else.

CLAIRE
What if I want it from you, John Lorenz?

JOHN
You can’t have it from me.

CLAIRE
I beg to differ.

JOHN
You can’t make people do things.

CLAIRE
No. But you can present people with choices. That’s what I’ve done for you in the past, John Lorenz. I’ve never made you do things. You have choices now. You can choose to keep my Karo syrup and toeing options open, or you can choose for our little secret to come out. No forcing. Just choices.

JOHN
She wouldn’t believe you if you told her.

CLAIRE
If I told her, you’d probably break down and admit it all.

JOHN
I wouldn’t. I’d deny it all.

CLAIRE
I would make it difficult for her to believe you. For anyone to believe you.

JOHN
They’d believe me over you, trust me.

CLAIRE
That’s not what I had in mind.

JOHN
What did you have in mind?

CLAIRE
Let me ask you a question. When was the first time you started liking me?

JOHN
When you stormed into Michelle’s room, the first time I saw you.

CLAIRE
And when did you decide that you wanted to fuck me?

JOHN
The same day. At breakfast. When you took off your jeans in front of me while I was making waffles.

CLAIRE
And when do you think that I decided that I was going to let you fuck me? Think carefully, this is the hard one. Was it before or after I stormed into my mom’s room that one day? Was it before or after I planted that dryer sheet that you now hold so dearly in the leg of my jeans? Which do you think happened first : do you think I stormed into my mom’s room to see the two of you fucking and then went to my bedroom to plant a dryer sheet in my jeans, or do you think I planted the dryer sheet first? When do you think that was? Five minutes before I stormed into my mom’s room? Ten? How many days in advance do you think that decision had been made? Was there any question that you would follow me upstairs when I Catholic-schoolgirled your sorry ass around the living room? What do you think my odds were on that one? One to twenty? One to fifty? Try more like–

JOHN
What’s your point?

CLAIRE
My point, John Lorenz, is that if I had you worked out well enough to know that you would follow me upstairs that day, how could you possibly think that it comes as a surprise to me that you now want to end this bad enough that you’re willing to suffer the accusations you know I can make without using any imagination…do you think I’m not prepared for that? Do you think you’ve caught me sleeping?

[She opens her panty drawer. Throws a pair at him, which he steps away from. Then she pulls out a tape recorder, and presses play. It is John’s voice. “I’ve been wanting you all week, Claire. I’ve been wanting to fuck your pink little pussy. I was hoping you’d show me your room. I’m glad you did.”]

JOHN
Give me that.

[He moves toward her; she backs away.]

CLAIRE
I’ll scream and she’ll come upstairs.

[John Lorenz backs away.]

CLAIRE
Now go away, John Lorenz. Go away.

[He exits slowly. He pulls the door to behind him. The music from Tom and Jerry increases in volume. The animation of Tom and Jerry is suddenly projected in simulcast on TVs all over the house. Tom gets smashed, or trapped, or blown up. The TVs switch to fuzz, with the loud fuzz noise, then blackness, silence.]

————————————————————————

[scene 11]
[Claire’s room. Claire is standing by her dresser. John is sitting on Claire’s bed, watching her. Claire bends down, without moving her legs or bending her knees, to sift through her panty drawer. The hem of her black dress rises to the base of her ass. John is looking. She pushes the drawer halfway in, swivels around.]

CLAIRE
Were you looking at my ass, John Lorenz?

JOHN
I was.

[Claire swivels back around, pulls the drawer fully out. She bends down the same way to sift some more.]

CLAIRE
I can’t find any panties.

JOHN
You don’t need any.

CLAIRE
I can’t go like this.

JOHN
No one will care.

[John reaches out to touch her ass, but she sees it. She turns around, steps between his legs. Her breasts are in his face. He wraps his arms around her ass. She jumps back.]

CLAIRE
I didn’t say you could touch me.

[She bows her head to examine three pair of panties she is holding. She selects one, holds it to John’s face. She caresses his lips and taunts his nose. Then suddenly she snatches the panties away from his face.]

CLAIRE
What did you think of those?

[John closes his eyes and nods his head. Claire puts a finger on his nose and pushes him backward onto her bed.]

CLAIRE
Get up! I didn’t say you could lay on my bed!

[John sits up. She places her hands on his shoulders and shoves him back down. One of her knees slides up beside him, then the other. She rocks over him slowly, closes as if for a kiss but does not complete it, only passing steamy breaths across his neck. She slides down on him, pressing her breasts around his dick. She slides all the way off the bed, and stands up.]

CLAIRE
It’s time for you to go. I have to get ready.

[John gets up from the bed. She turns him, with his shoulders, to be facing the door.]

CLAIRE
Walk.

[He does. Claire is putting on a pair of black high-heels. Claire goes to the door and opens it. John walks out.]

JOHN
Have a good time at your party.

CLAIRE
I always have a good time at parties. Bye.

[She shuts the door.]

————————————————————————

[scene 12]
[Claire’s bathroom. Claire wearing a bathrobe, getting ready to take a shower. Her shower is a full bathtub with a curtain that covers three sides; only the end which supports the shower head is against a wall. She turns on the shower. Steam begins to rise from the tub. Claire sings to herself, a Mozart opera, as she prepares to bathe. The door to the bathroom opens. Claire stops singing. Music starts on this interruption : Nine Inch Nails – Closer. It is John. He holds a length of rope in one hand, a hacksaw in the other.]

JOHN
I thought you were going to a party.

CLAIRE
What the fuck are you doing here?

[Claire sees what he is holding. She laughs at him.]

CLAIRE
What’s up with the hacksaw, freak? In the story it’s a butcher knife.

[John puts the hacksaw down on the sink.]

JOHN
You don’t cut bone with a butcher knife.

[Claire laughs.]

CLAIRE
That’s funny, John Lorenz. You’re funny, you know that? … You like jokes, John Lorenz? I like jokes. You wanna hear my joke?

JOHN
Sure.

CLAIRE
Okay. Little Red Riding Hood is carrying her basket of goodies through the woods to her grandmother’s house, when she comes across this little piggy who’s also walking through the woods. The little piggy says, Little Red Riding Hood, turn back, the Big Bad Wolf is waiting for you at Grandmother’s house, and when you get there he’s gonna lift up your skirt and fuck the shit out of you. Little Red Riding hood says, oh, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. The little piggy says, okay, but be careful. So Little Red Riding Hood continues on and before long she runs into a second little piggy. And the second little piggy says, Little Red Riding Hood, turn back, the Big Bad Wolf is waiting for you at Grandmother’s house, and when you get there he’s gonna lift up your skirt and fuck the shit out of you. Little Red Riding Hood says, oh, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. The little piggy says, okay, but be careful.

[Claire gets lipstick out of her makeup crate and applies it as she continues to tell the joke.]

So Little Red Riding Hood continues on and before long she runs into a third little piggy. And the third little piggy says, Little Red Riding Hood, you better turn back, because the Big Bad Wolf is waiting for you at Grandmother’s house, and when you get there he’s gonna lift up your skirt and fuck the shit out of you. Little Red Riding Hood says, look, little piggy, you don’t need to worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl, this isn’t the first time I’ve been in the woods. The third little piggy says, okay, but be careful. So Little Red Riding Hood continues on, and she finally gets to Grandmother’s house. She goes in, and sure enough, there’s the Big Bad Wolf. He says, I’m glad you made it, Little Red Riding Hood, now lift up your skirt, because I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you. Then Little Red Riding Hood pulls a gun out of her basket

[Claire takes a gun from her makeup crate and points it at John’s face.]

CLAIRE
and points it at the Big Bad Wolf. She says, no you’re not, you’re gonna eat me like the story says.

[Claire motions with the gun for John to get on his knees. He does. Then John knocks the gun away and grabs her wrists.]

CLAIRE
Let go of me!

[They struggle. He wrestles her to the floor.]

JOHN
Not this time.

CLAIRE
Stop!

[He puts his hand over her mouth. Her words are muffled.]

CLAIRE
Stop it! Stop it you fuck! LET ME GO!!!

JOHN
I don’t think so, Claire Collins.

[The music gets louder. He keeps his hand over her mouth. She tries to bite him, he forces her mouth shut with both hands.]

CLAIRE
HELP!!! HELP!!!

[She slips out from underneath his grip.]

CLAIRE
HELP!!!

[He wrestles her to the tile, this time she is on her back. Ultimately he kneels on her, pinning her legs with his shins, holding both her arms with one hand, and shoving a bar of soap in her mouth and holding it there. She is solidly trapped, but he is completely occupied by detaining her. One of her hands slips free. She grabs his shirt collar and twists it to tighten around his neck. Both of his hands rush to loosen this, and she upsets his balance, knocks him to the floor. She gets up and hits him in the face, knocking him back into the sink stand. He bleeds from this, and becomes still. Claire slings herself over the edge of the bathtub; her lower half crumpled on the floor tile. She pants, out of breath and energy. Behind her, John gets up. He wraps the rope around her neck, pins one end of it to the edge of the bathtub with his foot, and pulls the other end to kill. The music cuts to silence on a beat; the light is instantly red; both actors freeze in time. NIN’s A Warm Place begins playing as the red fades to darkness. The curtain closes, if there is one, and the house lights fade up.]

Riding Hood